My mother had a wonderful childhood, but her close relationship with her mother turned bitter once Mother was an adult. The cause of this change was that my grandmother disagreed with some of my mother’s choices, and my mother does not tolerate anything she views as criticism. I have never heard my mother say one good thing about her mother.
After my grandparents retired to Florida, Mother visited them only twice. The first time was for her beloved father’s memorial service. The second trip occurred a few years after he died, when she went down to attend her mother’s second wedding.
She did almost go while her father was still alive. He was hospitalized with irreparable heart problems and wouldn’t survive the year. Since he was dying, Mother, who was living in St Louis and not yet a widow, decided to have my brother Dan drive her to Florida. Dan, her chauffeur, was on spring break from community college. They took a camper that my father had bought to tow his race car and sleep in on race trips.
Dan drove the whole way; Mother lounged in the back of the camper and expected Dan to stop every hour and a half for snacks and bathroom visits. The camper was selected as the mode of transportation not just for my Mother’s riding comfort, but also because she expected Dan to sleep in it during the stay in Florida since my grandmother’s condo had only two bedrooms. Mother never considered sleeping in one of the two single beds in her mother’s room so Dan didn’t have to sleep in the camper. She never considered flying to Florida so Dan didn’t have to spend his vacation driving her.
After driving for ten hours, they arrived in Atlanta to spend the night at my paternal grandmother’s house. After dinner, Mother called her mother, and they had a bitter argument on the phone. I don’t know how the dispute started, but the breaking point was that our grandmother complained that Mother hadn’t visited until her father was dying and suggested that she was coming now only out of guilt. Whatever the specifics, my grandmother had clearly breached her daughter’s no-criticism-will-be-tolerated threshold.
My mother was so furious that she insisted on going back home immediately. Her shocked mother-in-law tried to talk her into reconsidering, but Mother was adamant. She did reluctantly agree to wait until morning so Dan could get some sleep. Attempts were made to change her mind again in the morning, but Mother wouldn’t consider this, so they left right after breakfast. Mother never acknowledged that she had Dan drive her ten hours each way for nothing. Although I have never heard her discuss this trip or mention regret about it, she never saw her father again.
Copyright 2014 Sarah Meyer Noel. All rights reserved.